Emotional openness
This will likely be the first of two or more posts on this topic.
Here I treat the material in Janice Walton-Hadlock's (JWH) Stuck on Pause (SOP, 2017) as fully current. That might not be quite correct, as judging by the progression to the current, available portion of the new edition of Recovery from Parkinson's (RFP, 2019), JWH seems to be refining her ideas. On the topic of this post, though, my impression is that it's not far from correct. We may know more when the new edition of RFP becomes fully available, probably this summer.
This is a big key: JWH says, “Talking to a distant God who is unknown, emotionally, will not do the trick.” (RFP) As well, “Merely talking, in a mechanical manner, such as rote prayer, is not going to change anything. You will need to talk from the heart. Literally.” (SOP)
My own experience confirms that talking in a mechanical way or merely on an intellectual level will not be especially helpful. This is about opening up your heart. It needs to be as emotionally real as possible. You can't just go through the motions. In other words, this is no joke. My strong sense is that anyone wanting to come off pause will, in all likelihood, need to experience emotional rawness and do some hard emotional work.
I have had to re-learn this lesson on multiple occasions. I can too easily slip into discussing issues with the “other” on a not-so-heartfelt level. When I do, it usually feels as though my progress slows. I may experience an increase in symptoms or simply feel I'm not getting anywhere. Once I'm able to return to emotional openness symptoms recede and I have the distinct feeling progress has once again commenced.
A good place to get started with talking from the heart is the “lips on the heart” technique described in SOP. This visualization technique prompts you literally to engage your heart in your communication. This seems to be foreign to many PD people, and the technique gives it a jumpstart. JWH says you can set the technique aside once you've got the feeling, but I find I return to it fairly often to keep in touch with the feeling.
It may be difficult to have a heartfelt conversation at all times. My impression is that there is some value in the dialogue even when the content is more trivial. But make efforts toward emotional openness and talking from the heart whenever feasible.
JWH writes in SOP:
It is perfectly possible that, once you develop a trusting relationship with God or your “talking partner,” you will spontaneously find yourself in a deeply connected, personal, honest and even intimate, heart-felt conversation with whomever you have been talking to....
It is possible that, during this conversation, you will feel even more safe ...
When you do feel these new and/or deeper level thoughts and emotions, and feel the love behind them, actually feel them rather than mentally assessing your emotions and behaviors, you will very likely find yourself turning off pause.
That reference to actually feeling those thoughts and emotions seems extremely important. I'll get into that, and soon the idea of emotional surrender in upcoming posts.
“I'll be the Earth to ground you
From the chaos all around
I'll be the home you return to
I can be your middle ground
And I will serve as a reminder
If you jump you will not fall
Go on and spread those wings of reason
We are water after all”
~ Nahko and Medicine for the People