PD Revelation

[Updated: 5/31/20; 6/26/20; 6/29/20; 7/20/20; 9/29/20]

I recall well some of the early difficulties I had maintaining the dialogue with the “other” and feeling “his” presence. Here I'll focus on the former. I still struggle in this area, so I can't say any of these tips are sure to make it a breeze for you. But they are things I have found helpful. They come from my own brainstorming, Janice Walton-Hadlock's writing, and ideas others have shared with me. I will add to these as additional ideas come my way. So check back.

Remembering to engage in the dialogue

• Increase activities that don't distract too much from engaging in the dialogue, such as walking, listening to some non-distracting music, sitting quietly, light workouts, light stretching/yoga, artistic activities, gardening.

• Likewise, reduce time in activities that do distract from it, such as surfing the internet or other “screen time.”

• When you do engage in distracting activities, try sharing them with the “other,” so that you remain together, viewing and discussing what you're experiencing. Recognize that the “other” is your constant companion. Naturally you'd want to share what you're doing with your constant companion.

• [Updated – 6/29/20] Designate certain times each day for the dialogue. You can of course engage in dedicated sessions devoted to it. But one way to begin to extend the dialogue into the rest of the day is by also making sure to engage in it at such times as prior to falling asleep at night, prior to getting out of bed in the morning, while showering, etc. After a few repetitions it may become habitual. From there, try to extend the dialogue into as much of the rest of your time as possible.

• Try designating various cues as reminders to return to the dialogue.

  • On a walk, tell yourself that every tree (or every window, or...?) you see is a reminder to engage in the dialogue.

  • Use your symptoms as reminders to return to the dialogue.

  • Try setting a timer to go off at regular intervals as reminders to reengage with the dialogue. Update – 7/20/20: A more effective alternative may be to use the timer to repeatedly designate short segments of time during which you commit to staying in the dialogue (or perhaps simply in the presence of the “other” via “companionable silence”... see below.) When the timer sounds you reset it and recommit to the next interval. I've found this effective when browsing the internet, a reminder to share what I'm seeing with the “other.”

• Consider thinking of it as rude to ignore the “other” (who is always waiting lovingly, receptively for what you have to say) in favor of your default dialogue.

Avoiding reversion to your prior default dialogue.

One difficulty occurs when you find your internal dialogue has subtly shifted back to your prior default, such as talking with yourself or others you may know. Some tips to deal with this:

• Address the “other” by name frequently.

• Make the dialogue more two-way.

  • Ask questions... listen for input from the “other.”

• Ask the “other” for help in staying with the dialgue.

Staying connected with the “other”

Here we straddle the line between staying with the dialogue and feeling the presence of the other. At some point, perhaps early in your efforts, you may struggle just to feel you're talking to the “other” rather than just talking aimlessly or to yourself. You may have trouble obtaining the feeling that the “other” is with you. To remedy this:

• Try saying something to establish the presence of the “other,” such as “I know you're listening” or “I know you're with me.” Update – 6/26/20: Alternatively, try asking a question such as, “Are you here?”, and wait for the inevitable affirmative answer.

• Given that the “other” is always with you, hearing your every thought, try clicking into connection with “him” (or “her/them/etc.”) by imagining him located, for instance, vaguely over your shoulder, receptive and listening. See if you can experience a sort of companionable silence. For me this has been one of the most useful techniques of all, allowing me reliably to click into the desired mode, even triggering some of the tingles I feel when asking to feel the “other's” presence. It's a short step from that mode to continued dialoguing with the “other.” Update – 5/31/20: I have recently found this technique to be very effective on walks. I'm able to stick with the dialogue much more consistently by simply going back to the companionable silence whenever I realize I'm getting distracted. It creates a natural bridge back into the dialogue.
  Update – 6/26/20: Very similar to this technique is one part of these instructions for entering into “centering prayer”: “Allow your heart to open toward that invisible but always present Origin of all that exists.” In other words, you might simply imagine opening your heart to the “other” or to a higher power for which your “other” is a representative. This may become easier to do after you have developed some ability to have palpable feelings in your heart, an experience a bit out of reach for many with PD.
  Update – 9/29/20: I elaborate on the “companionable silence” in this newer post.

Please contact me with your own tips. There must be lots of other good ones!