What it felt like to turn off pause
[Updated – 12/20/20; 10/11/21]
Since I posted about turning off self-induced pause, then slipping back into it, I've been continuing to work toward going back off pause and, as I'm able, to try to reactivate sympathetic mode. In recent weeks certain distractions have slowed the process, but I continue to work in the same direction. Having twice turned off pause, I'm confident I will do so again. And I will of course report back.
Having posted, in a general way, what the experience of coming off pause felt like for me, I want to try to describe here some of the detail. I hope it might provide readers with something to look forward to as well as a large dose of confidence in the Janice Walton-Hadlock (JWH) protocol.
First I should make clear that not everyone following the protocol comes off pause in the same way. JWH writes in RFP, “Although some people turn off pause immediately and lastingly following a mindshifting epiphany, most people with Parkinson’s recover slowly. They chip away at their old mental behaviors, slowly modifying their thought patterns until they notice recovery symptoms occurring.”
So that chipping away may progress all the way up to experiencing recovery symptoms. I don't personally know exactly what it feels like to come off pause under those conditions. In my case it seems I was perhaps chipping away at pause for some months, experiencing a range of symptomatic improvements, but not yet recovery symptoms. Then, in one fell swoop, without any major epiphany, I came the rest of the way off pause in a single event.
Of course, as I have mentioned, I slipped back into pause in response to minor stressors. JWH seems to associate that possibility mostly with the gradual, chipping-away category. Since I think I did fall into that category to some degree prior to the big event, maybe it's not too surprising that I seem to be vulnerable to that problem.
[Update – 10/11/21: On rereading relevant passages in RFP I now believe the situation is clearer than I thought when I wrote this post. I believe that my repeated episodes of turning off pause simply put me in the category of “chipping away” at pause, turning it off (lastingly) gradually. See this post for the detail.]
From what I've seen in JWH's descriptions, it seems that among those who come off pause abruptly there are striking similarities in the experience. Even so, there appear to be differences in the details. That said here, as best I can remember, is what the event of coming off pause felt like for me:
The first moment involves a sudden subtle but distinctive feeling I can't quite put my finger on — possibly a slight lifting feeling in my head or an inkling of relief. There may be a feeling of heart expansion in the mix as well. Then come tingles that quickly grow to feel like a wave of electrical current and vibration going through my whole body. Energy comes pouring in, completely lifting any fatigue. I feel an amazing sense of looseness, freedom of movement, and stillness. Perhaps a slight lifting feeling in my hands and head. I think I sweat a little. There is a tremendous feeling of relief, everything seeming fresh and new, like a veil has been lifted. And there is a huge mood boost (a flood of dopamine, I presume). [Update – 12/20/20: The bulk of this entire turning-off-pause event lasts for maybe a minute. The first time I went off pause, though, it seemed there were brief follow-up episodes of related feelings that appeared from time to time over some hours.] Some of these feelings, including the mood boost, the stillness, and the feeling of relief, last for at least 36 hours. But that's about the longest I've been off pause so far, so after that... I can't say. Both times I went off pause felt similar. But one small difference was that I believe I felt the sense of electricity more strongly the second time.
During the periods in which I was off pause a part of the feeling of relief was an unmistakable perception that the Parkinson's process had turned off. My perception was something like, “Ah, no more Parkinson's! Blessed relief!” It's not that I was suddenly completely symptom-free, but it was clear the driving process has stopped. And already, in that brief time, remaining symptoms began fading. As JWH writes in RFP, “The war might end abruptly but the rebuilding after the war will take some time.”
Again bear in mind that when you turn off pause the experience may be different in some regards. But judging by the descriptions I've seen, if you do so in a single event it may well share at least some of the elements listed.
It's no exaggeration to say that coming off pause was the most amazing mind/body experience of my life.
So that's it! I hope the description I've provided has value in showing that the experience of coming off pause is, without question, a very real phenomenon. Maybe that will help provide some readers confidence that they have good reason to be following the JWH protocol. Here's how I put it in an update to an earlier post:
I now have an additional, very substantial piece of evidence supporting the validity of JWH's work. I have my own recent experience with having turned off pause. It was an utterly distinctive, very real, intense, transformative experience, with pervasive impacts, perfectly consistent in many details with what JWH has written about it. I don't believe anyone who has experienced pause turning off abruptly could possibly harbor any doubt about the validity of the protocol.