She.
Like razors,
Slicing down your throat,
Like the peeling of an apple being shed,
Peeling,
Shedding,
Uncovering the underbelly of what lies beneath,
In the dark shadowy bits of her inner self,
Each swallow a gulp for air,
Like liquid metal flowing through her,
Heavy,
It weighs her,
It weighs you,
Strips her from her youth,
So young, so naïve,
It ages her years,
So far out you can already look back,
And wonder how she could have been so blind,
You're a ghost trying to yell for her,
But you can't,
She's here,
And youre there,
It's only vodka after all,
If only you could have awoken your new identity in her then,
In that moment,
Given her the newness you possess,
Built up from years spent replaying,
Re analyzing this moment,
Stuck with you forever like glue,
Twisting and turning in you,
Like snakes formed out of your veins,
Binding she and you,
Two dualities of the same body and mind,
She,
Is you.
You,
Are her.
Like,
Old and new,
Like,
Dead and alive,
Like,
Rotten and bloom,
So full of life from,
The old you killed so the new could move on,
A lie you can't face,
You can feel her climbing up from the hollow of your core,
Crawling up from the hidden corners of your mind,
That you drown,
One glass of wine fresh from the fridge,
The fridge that contains solely it's glass carcass,
And the lack of sustenance,
Evidence of the anorexia you deny,
One glass of wine,
One zopiclone,
The pill you crush and breath in pretending you're any different
from the withered and dirty souls on the street,
Stabbing their flesh with a needle to escape,
Escape worse than you,
Experiences that make that moment look like cotton candy wrapped up in bow in comparison,
But they're just more adjusted than you,
How could they not be,
One glass of wine,
One zopiclone,
The mix you've perfected,
To drag you down into the depths of emptiness,
Nothing but dark skies fill your mind,
Total numbness,
Until the regret finds you,
Taste the regret of his tongue on her,
Haunting you,
Revealing the ugliness in the memories your brain won't let you see,
Until it wakes you up from the blissful death of the night you longed for,
Aching to save her,
But you're here,
And she's there.
~Jess Elyssa Rose