Finding Freedom in Silence
I've been trying to find peace of mind, and to me, that means silence.
I write this on a foggy morning in California. I can't see past the end of my backyard, the fog is so thick. There are no lights, just the soft glow of the sun slowly illuminating the day.
It's peaceful. It's quiet. And for the first time in a long time, my mind is at ease as well. At least at this moment.
For much of my life, I've been at the whim of my thoughts. Whether positive or negative, my thoughts were uncontrollable — especially as a younger man.
But as I progressed into my 30s, I began to work more on my cognitive fortitude. That is, thinking about the way I was thinking. Some major life events forced this upon me, and if I'm honest, I couldn't have done it alone. I spent hours speaking to therapists, journaling, and learning to be my own advocate. I cried, laughed, commiserated, and celebrated.
Control The Controllables
On the cusp of 40 now, I'm learning more about how I think, and more importantly, how to quiet my mind. Mindfulness exercises help, but it's not just during these specific times. I've been slowly learning to adjust my perspective.
Much of my stress and pain comes from thinking too much about the past or future. Two places that don't exist, but the pain is real. Like many people, I try to think through all possible scenarios of what might happen, and then my reaction to each of them.
This thought process takes its toll. Yes, it's good to be prepared, but this kind of thinking is subject to catastrophic thinking and continuous rumination.
So, I've made a shift. I think about what is controllable, and I focus on that. In most cases, this means focusing on my reaction and feelings at the moment. I have no control over what “might happen”, but all the control over my reaction right here, right now.
Forced to be Present
The byproduct of focusing on my reaction and living is the moment is that I am more mentally present. I don't ruminate on the past as much anymore, instead using it as a teacher for how to control my reactions in the day I am living.
Tomorrow is not promised. All that exists is the here and now. I am finding peace of mind by embracing that instead of thinking about a future that may never come to pass.
Rejecting Negativity
Our minds have a way of hyper-focusing on negativity. It's a survival instinct that must be overridden. When I find myself stressed, I become aware of negative thoughts cycling through my head. These then cause more stress, and more negative thoughts — an unfortunate snowball effect.
I'm learning to reject our inherently human negativity bias. It's not easy, and I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better at it. I accomplish this through logic and grounding.
Negative thoughts and feelings are emotion-based, and as such, logic has a calming effect. If I have swirling negative thoughts, I think about the advice that I would give to a friend if I were helping them through it. This separates me from the emotions. It allows space for logic to really “land”.
But the other part of this is to be in a place where the logic can stick, and I do that by grounding myself with mindfulness techniques. Simply closing my eyes and focusing on my breath forces me into the present moment and out of my emotions.
Evolution, Not a Destination
I'm evolving in my journey to achieve a silent mind and inner peace. There will never be a time when I feel that I've obtained it because evolution doesn't have an end, because that's not the goal of evolution.
Evolution is about adaptation to the environment. My environment will change over the years, and I'll continue to evolve to not only survive, but to ultimately thrive in the place where I exist, at that moment.
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