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President Runs Against Younger Candidate That Hates Old People
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"Insurrection Day" Declared a Federal Holiday
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Venice Bans Overweight American Tourists as City Continues to Sink
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FDA Gives Up and "Solves" National Obesity Crisis with Free Ozempic
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Police Lineup Used Toddlers to Identify Suspect in Bank Heist
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Brain Implant Company Seeks FDA Approval for Mind Control Device
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Chief Justice John Roberts Talks AI But Wants His Computer to Just Work
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America Decides 2024 Will Be Bad; Skips to 2025
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Michael Cohen Uses Google Bard to Cite Fake Cases and Plan a Vacation
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Nikki Haley Panders to Confederate Civil War Reenactors
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Single Trucker Attempts to Protest Police Brutality Arrested Brutally
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Fish and Wildlife Changing Policy with Troublesome Endangered Animals
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NORAD Leader Accused of Eliminating Santa Instead of Tracking His Progress
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Santa Claus Arrested and Charged with Breaking and Entering, Resisting Arrest
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US Navy Regains Control of Ship From Teenagers During Christmas Cruise
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Luxury Fashion Stores Open on Christmas For Very Very Last Minute Shopping
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Birds Aren't Real Campaigners Vindicated with Bird Drone Research
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Michael Bolton Charged with Crimes Against Humanity
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Fewer Deaths Expected with New Version of Endoscope
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Tesla Police Cruisers Allow Captured Suspects to Escape