- boredom (classic me) || August 19
Nothing very special today, seriously. Same shit, just a different day. I woke up, sat around, thought about doing something useful, then didn’t. Honestly, I don’t even care enough to feel bad about it. People keep pretending their little fuck ass routines matter. Maybe they do for them. For me? Not really, they are just annoying as fuck.
I picked up that damn book again, thought maybe I’d distract myself. The author keeps throwing these deep ass lines like he’s cracked the code to the universe. I get it, your little life sucks, we all die, clap clap, bravo, want me to put it as a reward as well ?. Honestly, I don’t even know why I keep turning the pages. Maybe because staring at the fucking wall feels worse. At least the book makes me feel like I’m doing something, even if it’s nothing.
Boredom, Oh boredom, what can I say else? It’s not even pain, it’s just rot, like your brain sitting in a jar, pickling slowly rather than dying. Boredom could seriously drive a person insane before heartbreak ever does. At least pain gives you something sharp to hold onto. Boredom just drags you through molasses until you start begging for a reason to think.
Sometimes I think about how fucking useless most conversations are. People talk like their words are band aids, fucking idiots. But half the shit they say is empty. ‘It’ll be fine.’ Seriously?. And even if it does, saying it doesn’t magically do anything. People just like hearing themselves sound comforting. funny enough to make an old man jump
I thought of making coffee earlier, but I hate that bitter taste. Water is safer. At least it doesn’t try too hard to be something it’s not. Coffee feels like a fake person sucks at pretending, sweet at first, then leaves you crashing harder than before.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe to waste time. Maybe because my brain won’t shut the fuck up, and putting words here could quell my boredom. Half the time, I feel like everything I write is just echoes in an empty room. No one’s here, no one cares, and even if they did, it wouldn’t fix shit. And yeah, boredom of course
Maybe tomorrow I’ll laugh at this. Or maybe I’ll look at it and think: yeah, that sounds about right. Or maybe I won’t look at it at all. Who knows. Not me, that’s for sure
sincerely
Ahmed